:(

i hate my friends. i love my friends. i dont know anymore :(

i really hate my friends sometimes, but its not like i can hate them for long. hate myself even more for not being able to hate them and for taking things too srsly and for being so easily affect by everything.

there are times you should know when enough is ENOUGH. you shldnt just keep on hurting people or insulting people thinking that they will never and arent ever gona be affected or angered by it. its super annoying i think. just because they tank it a few times, or more, doesnt mean that they will tank it forever. just because they act like it didnt matter to them, doesnt mean that it didnt affect them.

wonder if i can start all over? hit the re-set button and reset my personality and the way i talk. maybe if i wasnt such a bitch and i didnt joke and tease others so much, they wouldnt do the same to me. so i guess its, do to others what you want others to do to you.

so im just getting back what i reaped. dont know why but this may be my limit. its not bad already since ive been tanking them for some time now, laughing them off, or just acting retarded or choosing to ignore. its not like its a NOW ONLY thing, like for 1wk? 1mth? 1yr? nope. its been going on for years. and ive chosen to tank them all. maybe ive changed, im different now, im getting old and i cant tank as much as before. one day i might really not be able to take it anymore and just explode. i hope that day wont ever happen though. because then the consequences will be huge.

its gona be horrible because its not only just one friend. its a few, maybe most of them i guess. constant bombardment from them all. wow. cant believe im not already wounded from all around.

not like this shit isnt enough, then i found out that even the people closest to me doesnt believe me. doesnt trust me to know wheres the extreme, wheres the limit. in your eyes, do you really think so little of me.

srsly, whats the point of trying so hard and doing your best for your friends just because you want them to be happy and want to see them smile, when you yourself is suffering in the midst of the attempt and even more so at the end, when your fren is happy but you are not.