im soooo tired but happy that im finally done with uploading, tagging and blogging omg. that took so long to accomplish.
so like im looking at my peektures when i was tagging them like just 5mins ago, and i cant help but ew at my face :( someone help me im like turning uglier and uglier. im not saying that i was pretty before, but like sometimes i have some (okay like maybe a few) decent peektures that are actually maybe abit on the pretty side? but nowadays i look at my albums and its peektures after peektures of ugly ugly ugly. its worst when i look at grp shots because im like the ugliest one urgh. i feel so depressed now. and it doesnt help because ive been watching antm the past few days and they models' peektures are so pretty that its stunning. fml larh. and i go to my albums and im like. EWWW. EEEYUR. since when i so ugly one. why my face so big (okay this one i know is since forever.p) why my eyes so small. fml i hate my round and big face. why i dont havbe prominent cheekbones. why i got so much baby fats. i wana slim down. have a nicer face shape.
so for the most part i just am disgusted over my face since most of my peektures only have my face. then in some rare shots i see my whole body and i tend to look at my tummy (as in really look down and lift my shirt to stare at my tummy) and im like freak larh why am i so fat. the models are like ultra skinny. and sometimes im super mean like when im on the streets, i see not-so-pretty girls who are slim and im like thinking to myself 'what the hell, even tho shes ugly, she doesnt have a tummy freak larh' i know like thats super bitchy but still i cant help it. and im like super lazy to exercise. i finally did some situps and crunches ytd night after not doing it in weeks. i feel so insecure like cause i have a tummy and i have to keep fretting about what to wear even though theres so many clothes in my wardrobe but i cant wear like 50% of em because of my tummy. and it doesnt help that my babe just innoccently commented that i got more 'rou' now that day at jks's fanmeet. like what the hell. the last time she commented i was fatter i cldnt bring myself to step out of the house without a cardigan/jacket/ anything to cover my arms for a mth. and she has to say that again. but its like i dont even see it. dont know what shes toking about. as in currently i dont think my arms are fatter lah. just that my tummy is a HUGE issue. i cant go party because i cant wear sexy clothing because my tummy is fat. fml. i totally admire those fat chicks who dare to wear sleeveless clothing or even clothing that bares their tummy/ backs. and i mean those really fat ones like > 70kg kind fat chicks larh. total respect. they totally can like bare their tummies to the world with no care and dance their night away.
okay so anyway this is a total rant post ;p and random but i was tinking abt how im so immature and childish. like my frens said that day that my mentality is that of a 13yr old. and like i think im super act cute. gg. i know most (okay ALL) of my frens think that im super act cute and cant stand it but sometimes like i really cant help it. im not doing it purposely larh. its just me. i dont know if you guys know that but uhh yea. so like i was tinking abt it, like if im gona be the way i am now even in say, 10yrs' time? or like when im 30yrs old will i still be so act cute??? omg can you just imagine that!!! freak man. its a super high possiblity. so like anyway i think people dont like me becuz they tink im super act cute like on purpose. so i was thinking abt that and im quite worried about making frens in uni. like if im going smu biz. can u imagine, everyone is like so prim and proper and mature and grownup and im like so not all that. GG TTM :(
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