hate unconcerned people!

being an unbearable person!

dont think even i can stand myself right now

i need to chill man

dinner wif sis

milkpan! milkpan! milkpan!

i said milkpan! so many times that my colleague went and bought me milkpan HAHAHA.

thankyou D!

had dinner with sis at bpp after work. sister bonding time :)

currently considering LG OPTIMUS 2X cuz its the cheapest amongst incredible s, iphone, bb torch. and its pretty too ;D

mad at people who put things like vids and games before frens.

mad at myself for being overly reliant on people.

like some clingy kid and then throw them away after i dont need them anymore.

looking for TEXT BUDDY ;D

someone says i should go out on dates.

hmm maybe i should reply the navy guy and say, yeap im finally free to go out with you.

but. hes short. like 169?

okay i am now super broke. like think the most broke ever in my whole life. one week more to survive before i get my paycheck. i shld so eat lesser cuz = save $ and lose weight. yea man gd idea. need a weekend job! ned to go give tuition! need to look for a new job for may and june too. so busy!!!!

LGM USS!

had a super bad morning today. one of the worst so far. and it didnt help that i was super grouchy cuz i only had 2hrs of sleep the night before.

but who am i? huihuistar lehhhh LMAO. i can high whenever wherever! :D

met up with JEAN JOAN VAN MICH after work at HV dailyscoop! my 3rd time going there this mth haha super loves that place!

had strawberry cheesecake my fave!

afterthat went to wendy's for joan's dinner haha! had a great time cause we were making fun of rebeccablack all the way and at the same time adoring nigahiga!!! hes a genius!

camwhored!!! love this shot cuz everyone's smile was so natural (okay cuz we were laughing) all except mine. im posed as usual. sigh

and here is mich me and jean's FULLBODYSHOT! funshot! but mich didnt know we were supp to make funny faces haha

MILKPANMILKPANMILKPAN!

what is milk pan? its thisssssssssssssss:
yummy mouthwatering delicious looking little yellowish white little bun

SUPER SUPER SUPER CUTE AND YUMS! milk pan!

okay i think i dont really know what to type here cuz im kinda brain dead. surviving on 2hrs of sleep is kinda hard. im getting old. ohoh and LGM USS mean LETS GO MICHELLE USS!

pics from that AWESOME NIGHT ;D

okay i have no new recent pictures to put here, and cuz i was on the phone with meimei just now and randomly was talking about the zirca night so yeap i rmbed that i haven posted pics from that night yet! so here goes!

i like this picture cuz you can see june's cleavage here. ironic isnt it. that we are at a club and out of the 3 of us girls, u only get to see the guy's cleavage WTH.

like the mistyyyyyy effect here and no thats not why i posted this pic, its cuz HEHE dont u think my babe looks damn funny here. i have no idea what shes doing ;p

this pic is significant mans! MY MEDALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

rather obvious why i posted this picture here haha all the medal winners! and this random angmoh tourist who just wanted to take pics with us! think he said I LOVE SINGAPORE.

i spend the weekends nuaing at home. iknow i wasted my life away but! i haven stayed at home for so long since i started work. it was always, weekdays -work + drive weekends -out with frens + drive. i was seldom at home. i missed nuaing at home and having alone time!

okay also because of the fact that my babe PANGSEHED me on sat for brunch/high tea. and also i was having bad cramps. hate cramps boo. :( okay lah i went grandma hse on sat. they had a fullblown gossip session. my 4 aunts and my mum talk and talk and talk super noisy but i like lah cuz super funny and entertaining.

then tday was nuaing till mid-day and finally i went to tidy up my shoe rack. like i threw away 6pairs of shoes. and found some 'new' shoes and realise di need to send 2 more to the cobbler HAHA. mr cobbler im gona see you again tml!

after that catched JUMPER on chn5 ;D i dont even rmb that movie's plot. haha it was so long ago!

and came back to my room to settle admin stuff. so many things to do! horrible! finally finally done with all uni apps related stuff.

and i had to deal with some DPS cpf thing. basically this insurance scheme cuz i now hav my cpf acct thanks to this job. and its quite scary cuz im like only 18 and i need to sign some big adult thing. wow. apparently u had to have 2 witnesses ard when im signing. and also i need to fill in the form who my nominees are. in other words, who wld get the $$ if i die. haha

and how much % i wanted to give to each person. okay so i gave my mum dad and bro. the last one was abit reluctant lahs but i figured okay, give him 10% HAHA.

meaning now if i die when im driving at bbdc i'll get 56k MUAHAHA, power of 2 insurance. okay lah i wun get the $$ cuz im dead. but my parents can use it to fund my GRAND FUNERAL. i shall write a will now and state that u guys can use the $$ to buy whatever form of alcohol ur wan to drink at my funeral. an awesome host i know i am ;D

on a side note im super happy now because ive settled alot of things in my life that has been bugging my since a while ago. HAHA. i needed the breakdown once in a while and it happened on friday i think. so now im happy chillax and high. emo level is low as can be. going to meetup with my beloved jeans gang tml! cant wait for ICECREAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!

shuanggg

quite alot of things happened today! let me start from the beginning.

has started taking 970 to work instead of the trains, its so much better even though i have to walk a farther distance to take the bus cuz i can SIT DOWN and SLEEP on the bus and i dont have to squeeze with fat disgusting smelly sticky people. okay that sounded mean but nvms.

so anyway i always fall aslp on the bus since it takes quite a long way to reach my workplace. and its quite funny cuz everytime i wake up abruptly, there'll be a diff person sitting beside me. it was an uncle... and uncle... a CUTE GUY muahahah.

went to work and found out that was to be a mtg at 11am. and everyone dreaded it. (except me cuz it meant the big bosses will be away and i can slack) apparently they all liken the mtgs to be the same as a battlefield or smth. everyone will start shouting at each other. and D was in a super bad mood since this morn :( ohwells. and it turned out, the mtg was really horrible. this guy stormed out when it ended and according to sources, he banged the table and even pointed his middle finger underneath the table. WOW. our company is cool.

watson was a little friendlier to me today, out of the blue which is really random and unexpected. hence i decided to talk to her more and stuff lah. considered asking her to go lunch with us but didnt since D was alr in a foul mood. maybe next wk. had free famous amos cookies today! i like.

today super shuang. got called MEI NV twice by strangers. i like.

realised life is short and i had better make the best out of it. talked to someone i haven toked to for awhile. am glad i did that.and also i really dont want to be demure. its quite irritating. life is short i need to do what i want. not what others want me to. right?

went on a hot date today after work! happy! haha was supposed to watch suckerpunch but i decided against it since it ws super ex and im not really high on cashflow now. went to makan at swensen's! he booked out today and he was like some hungry pig lah. ate so much ;p cant believe hes alr been in tekong for 8wks? time flies.

so anyway i think theres this jinx thing that everytime he sends me home, we'll meet my family member. the very first time he sent me home last yr, we met my dad -.- after that it was my bro. and today we met my bro again omg. hahaha super jinxed.

had a great time catchingup! haven talked like this with him in ages :)

i hope that the guy who is gentleman enough to always carry a jacket around just in case any girl needs it can find a girl who will wear his jacket permanently! :)

will prob post pics tml :) i love pics. oh jo just signed in, he owes me my tigerrrrrr!

i love my frens because they know how bitchy i am and yet they still continue to hang out with me!

100 again! feel like i should do more because ive been pigging out this 2 days. im back to 46kg. NO. okays i think i should plan out this long (ok not really) routine to do everynight before i sleep! afterall im still young ;p ive got the time to get my body in shape muahaha. not like some pple ;D i just hope i can carry out the routine and not fall aslp or smth ;p

cobbler cobbler mend my shoes!

i went to a cobbler today! haha i think its my first time going to one. bet alot of u guys haven been to one before! i went to this random roadside uncle near my workplace. cant help it lah! think ive over-worn my heels so i had to go fix it. i was quite upset abt it cuz i tot i had no heels to wear to work today. but when i went to look into my storeroom... i found like uhhhh... so many more heels that i owned. LOL i forgot some of em existed poot.

so right, smuuu still haven called me. im starting to worry. ALOT

let me blog about my life. nth much is happening haha. uhh work is the same, just that my boss mc ytd and halfday today so i could like partyyyyy ;p O and D are still bullying me as usual. :(

haha. not driving this wk. next week bahs. frenss... haven seen em much this wk. nope haven seen em at all. except for fj cuz she came my hse to pass me smth. yup and van ;D i think this wk is the most boring one ever since work started. like i dont have any activities aft work. oh i went shopping on tue.ohwell. uhhh then guys... recently reconnected with one. haha he said he previously msged me in camp but i didnt even receive any of the msgs and that was kinda long ago. then i met him at nus openhse! :) and now we started toking abit. need to meetup with him soon. maybe over the weekend when he bks out. see how bahs. another one, some older guy. idk how to reply to smses like 'hi you free now mah?' or 'hi what u doing?' i mean, once or twice is okay, but no! whenever he starts a convo with me he always texts one of those 2 msgs. omg. see alr also dont feel like replying lah. daoed him for a few days, going a week maybe. but he didnt get it and still cont to sms me. zzz aish, finally decided demure girls cant be bitchy and replied him but uhhh. think i shldnt had.

maybe i shld just date some guy for the fun of it. maybe the navy guy. haha. since i have nth to do now until august and im like freaking bored. but uhh hes short haha. whenever i think like that, i'll rmb how it was when i dated someone for the fun of it and when i didnt like him. think i was quite bitchy. no guy should be treated that way. okay. what shld i do! it just isnt half as fun texting girls. ohwells. need more guys in my life. tall ones too. tyvm.

its not fair how one can be like bochup even though i wasnt even the one involved but apparently im the one who wants it more? LOL i dont know what im writing here. trying to hide something hence im using really vague words (i hope) i think noone can understand what im saying. good.

did 100 :)

still no call :(

did 50!!!!!

kbox + shopping!

went KBOX with fj, kj, deb, mop, hmmjia, kiwi on SUNDAY! yeaaa ikr kbox when im sick (sorethroat somemore) is a damn stupid idea. but no choice lahh! it was already organised when i wasnt sick... and and $6 KBOX!!!damn cheap can. ofcourse must go lah. sick also must go HAHA. the 3 of us, JRK! reached first so we camwhored alittle before the guys came.

ahhh we so long haven had a JRK shot already! i miss JRK alone time! Like even simply chilling at kj's hse is damn fun. cuz got BAKED RICE ;P hahahha

must take more full body shots! cuz i realised i always camwhore then can only see my face so big. yucks. somemore canot see what im wearing for the day. cheeeeee. hehs. i like this dresss i bought it like 2yrs ago? but ive only wore it out once. twice now haha. and kj's outfit was inspired by her Philippino maid neighbour HAHAHA

anyways it was my attempt at being DEMURE. i now pronounce demure as 'DAREmure' hahaha. anyways i think it was quite BLACK DEMURE!

took Polaroids! super happy! i love polaroids! wished i can buy the cam. but then the films are so ex :( i looked damn ugly in the grpshot photo :( luckily the 3 guys were standing infront, if not my face wld had been damn big ;p

Went shopping with AHTAN tday! haven been shopping like this for some time now. like you know, go out specially just to shop. haha we went BUGIS STREET. missed that place!

bought damn alot of things!! im so happy cuz i finally bought a DEMURE DRESS. omfg im SO OVER THE MOON LOL. im gona wear that for my interview!

speaking of interview, omgomgomg im so scared. SMU haven called me yet. WHAT IF THEY DONT CALL ME? WHAT AM I GONA DO? I WILL BE SO HEARTBROKEN. I NEED THE INTERVIEW. I NEED TO PASS THE INTERVIEW. HURRYUP AND CALL ME. WHATS TAKING YOU GUYS SO LONGGGG!

anyways ive been so ego recently, or maybe it was just my usual self.

tday ahtan asked me how come me, fj and babe all fell sick tgt haha and i replied smth like 'oh i think cuz the flu bug is jealous of our beauty'

OMGAWD i think i damn retarded ohkay nvms!

so after shopping, we went for early like super early dinner. it was not even 5pm when we went to eat haha. this place at bugis's basement! HONG GUO! nvr tried it before but cool cuz they had some student promotion thing, 2-6pm. omg im gona miss student pricessssss! they are sooo cheap lah!

this is me circling no.33 and ahtan taking a pic of it. haha. reason is cuz in sec3/4 her reg no. was 33 and mine was 34. HAHA

the icelemon tea came in this cute honey jar like jar thing LOL. what am i saying? but its super cute cuz got handle one somemore!

ofcuz i had to camwhore while waiting for the food. omg i think my right eye looks freaking weird here!

this is ahtan diaoing me cuz she cant stand my camwhoring ways ;p

my new pretty bracelet thing from DIVA ;D i think its super demure thats why i bought it. im like changing my wardrobe to demure style haha. but i think im quite retarded lah cuz it was not long ago that i changed my wardrobe style, and now im changing again. WASTE ALOT OF MONEH LEH :( speaking of moneyyy, im like srsly broke now!!! have so much things i need to buy but no money to buy. think i have to put off my new phone until laterrrrrrrr.

our food came! i had this chicken and sausage on lotus leaf or smth like that. NOT BAD :) alot of liao. i like!

tan had the fried chicken chop with fried rice. not bad too! but the fried rice abit plain? or so she says!

anyways the portion is like hugeee. both of us didnt finish the rice haha we are both on diet! tan cuz her interview is like this friday? shes dieting so her face wun be so round ;p

me cuz, omg my tummy is so freaking obvious tday. esp since i wore a skirt with elastic band. urgh. so concious the entire time i was out. i started doigng crunches (dk how to spell) ytd night. my colleague says to do 50 a night. but nonono the last time i did smth physical like that was like secondary sch? wth. i totally cldnt tank. so i only did like 30 last night. am so gona do more tonite!

but shit im hungry nowwwww. craving for some instant meee ;p daddy bought alot! like 8! cuz super cheap hahaha. shld i eat? ;p

okay shall end off with a pretty pic of us! i think tan looks pretty here! ;D

daddy bought the triangle stick on thing today! if i dont pass my driving test im gona be so malu. at first i wasnt planning on telling my parents the date cuz later i fail then dui lian lorhs cuz my cousin passed on her first try.then i decided i shldnt be so humji lahs. okay so everyone! my test is on 8apr. WISH ME LUCK! im gona do it. i know im going to pass ON MY FIRST ATTEMPT TOO.

if i think that i can do it. I CAN DO IT.

(psychoing myself for driving test and interview ;p)

30 today

it is done :)

it feels like a heavy load is lifted off me. im finally done with all my uni app. kinda late i know but had been so busy that i just cant find the time to do them.

actually i totally didnt even feel like applying for nus and ntu. but i still have to cause smu interview is gona be hard for me:( but i really only wana go smu!!! think i'll be so heartbroken if i dont get smu.

i have no idea, but it may be that my hangover lasts a few days maybe? im still feeling bloated and queasy today. didnt make it better that my mum purposely braised pig's heart (WTF) and forced me to eat so i can yi xing pu xing, yea cuz of my heart condition (dont think im supp to drink that much. and also my heart has been beating damn fast for no reason ever since friday night. fj says its cuz my heart is pumping heart to get rid of alcohol or smth) anyways aft i ate the heart, i totally wanted to puke. it was so gross. it wldnt be that bad if she didnt tell me what it was. but the thing is i think that my system has forgotten how to puke. the last time i puked was like... sec2 maybe? its either that or cuz i have no food in my body to be puked out. so i end up spitting out bile juices only. omg. feeeling bad. + flu, sore throat. and i went for kbox today. uhhh screamed. shouted. my throat is dying. and i think im lacking rest/sleep. cuz ive been waking up rather early this 2 days instead of resting and slping in like i shld, everytime after i drink. omg. GG

saw this somewhere think its cool

You really don't have to be always super nice, somtimes you have to show your bad side so that you can sort out who can accept you.

im posting like so much tday! thats a good start. hmm maybe cause i have alot of tthoughts today i guess.

ive decided to become a demure lady. a kim gek. thats it lah a kim gek. afterall thats what SC brought us to become, just that many of us strayed from that path, rather far away too. went shopping with babe meimei ahtan after their work just now. was trying to look for demure dresses and stuff. failed i guess. but its okay, i'll try again on tuesday.

i was so immature and insensible last night, i know i know, i still am lah. that prob wun change for a couple of years more. so i guess i have to live with it. hence i promised to never drink again. but u think that thats ever gona happen? nawww. haha. i said it, im immature and insensible. a sensible girl wouldnt get drunk.. a sensible girl wldnt get drunk 2x in a day. i need to growup. i need to start collecting myself. need to start being more firm and serious and responsible. afterall, im going to be 19 this year. thats freaky.

i believe i can choose what kind of person i want to be. previously i chose to be the man-girl. i wanted to be chummy and like brothers to the guys. i wanted to be the dude to my babe. i wanted to be the stupid retarded silly and crazy and high one among my frens. i wanted to be a flirt. i chose clothes that suit sluts. i wanted the attention. i wanted to act dao infront of strangers. i wanted to do so many things intentionally. i was pretending i think. i know that sometimes i pretend to do things. i know that im such a fake. but now i dont know which things im really pretending or is it really the real me.

i know last night was real. that i know, i couldnt rmb alot of things. or maybe its just cause of my bad memory? idk. but other times, i cant say for sure that i was pretending or lying. i lie alot. i lie so much that i dont even blink when i lie. the lie just comes right out. and i dont even feel guilty about it too.

i dont know if saying all this here is gona change anything, like frenships maybe? but after ytd night i feel that i should collect my thoughts and say things out. i rmbed when i started this blog, i said i was gona type out my honest feelings and thoughts here. so this is what im doing right now.

i need to stop acting like a party girl. or maybe i dont act like that,but i need to stop people from thinking im a party girl. im not. i dont club. i rather stay at home and sleep. but i want to club. no i dont. i shldnt club. i need to stop doing things that make people think im a loose girl. im not. i think im not. but it hurts when people say i am. even if you guys were kidding. it still kinda stung. abit. i need to stop saying that im a bi. ofcuz i prefer guys to girls. but idontknow i guess i just thought that liking girls is cool so i said im a bi? but that doesnt mean i dont like girls. idk. i need to stop using people, need to stop using my frens for my convienience. that is just pure bitchy. someone gave me a lecture because i pangsehed someone else. yea i agree that was plain bitchy. i need to stop flirting with guys i shld not be flirting with. being a bitch i know what you are thinking about but i still flirt with you. that is wrong. very wrong. guys with gfs are offlimits. i shdnt even go there either. i shld stop doing things just to seek attention.thats bad. but its like now i dont even know if i did it intentionally or what. i should stop leading people on. no more. i have had enough of that. need to break things up completely. i shld start replying people whom i haven been replying to. i shld stop talking so much. i think i talk too much already. im a super open person, too open in fact, i tell my frens everything. it doesnt matter if they are my close besties. but no i tell other not so close frens ALOT of things too. i should stop having feelings for guys who i know wun like me back. i shld stop since i know it so well that its impossible.

chocolate day

had chocolate diet tday! cause i totally had like no appetite the entire day, so i had kinder bueno for breakfast, carls jr choc smoothie(?) thingy for lunch and choc icecream for dinner.

omg i am pro. on a side note im so happy about my G2K work pants! i think my legs look so long nowwwww ;p

yesterday night

i am going to be a demure lady from now on.

srsly i will try hard. i need to try very hard i think.

yesterday night was super crazy, i think it was super crazy lah cuz i dont rmb everything but judging from the fb vids and comments and whatsoever, yupp i concluded that it had been epic

it all started when i knocked off from work and went to jo's hse. me jo nick and shao were supp to meet there first to drink then meet nisa and bryan at westmall for dinner and movie. so since i was the earliest, me and jo played daidi and drank abit first. after that we cont the game with the loser having to drink when nick and shao came.

uhh i think i drank 5 in the game. then i dont rmb anything already. the next think i knew was i was in the cab, going...somewhere... okay i think its westmall lah cause the next thing i know is we were watching a movie. after the movie, we got on another cab to jo's hse again. this part i was the most sober i think cuz i could rmb reaching jo's. after that we played the drinking game and then i was gone. think i drank like.. uhh i know i didnt drink alot at first, prob only 2 cuz i was careful. then after that i think it was after the 'you' rule. that one i ggfied. i said alot i think. apparently nick just told me he tricked me into singing 'just the way YOU are' wtf. i drank and drank i rmbed holding the glass of pink thing. it was like so full. oh omg i just rmbed. i drank 2 shots pure. then maybe like 5 mixed. omg then the next think i know was like nick and shao bringing me to daddy. and then i reached home and my mum made me promise her to never drink again and i fell alsp.

the end. thats all i could rmb. the vids on fb? i dont freaking rmb anything i said.

when i wokeup today good no hangover but then i had no appetite and i was still giddy. it was like bad luhh cuz i had driving at 1130. then i felt like puking cuz i kept eating rubbish. things i ate when i wokeup: 2 bites of chicken wing, 2 mouths of beehoon, choc, 1 kinder bueno, liption tea, icelemon tea, chrysanthemum tea. omg totally felt like puking. all the way till i reached the driving centre i was still urghhhh-ing. but luckily driving went well, i didnt puke on the instructor. and yea i can bk my test date already. i have a good feeling about this. until this lorry HONKED me. bastard.

it says alot when my mood can be so affected by work/driving.

omg.

my life only has work and driving.

HELP ME :(

another sad moody day

caused by a few reasons.

1. i feel super useless at work today. i kept screwing up. i totally felt like quitting

2. okto flew off today :( im gona miss him so much. and i cant even think abt the fact that im nvr gona see him again. its just so saddddddd

3. im still spending and eating alot shit. it sucks because i emo over this fact and when i emo, i'll eat and spend even more omg. vicious cycle :(

4. tday was such a lousy and bad day. i was super unlucky too. waited 7mins for the mrt O.o wtf right i know. missed the shuttle bus to bbdc. had to cab there because i mental block and cant rmb which direction to walk towards. and i was caught in the rain so many times today. the whole way through when i was getting rained on, i was like OMG OMG imma die imma corrode and die. OMG my kids are gona be retarded NONONO.

misery attracts company probably. meimei is down and sick with something. haha super funny. and since the prince charming isnt available for now, i had to stand in. i super nice okay i walked out of the way to dabao dinner for her lor!

farewell open hse!

uploading pics from bim's farewell on friday!

we went for farewell lunch at ajisen at clementi mall

the way back we were camwhoring on the mrt without a care.

was quite funny cuz the other colleagues were like at least 28yrs old? teehee. camwhoring with us ;D guess who was the one who initiated it. ;p

i shall let u guys see where we work at! TADA:

u can spot it if u take the train frm bv to commonwealth mrt! super easily recognisable!

*hint* to whoever wana have lunch with me ;D

here we are at ajisen! took a grp shot ;D 7 of us went!

my 2 bosses didnt go cause they were super busy with work ;p

opps while i slacked off to camwhore hehe
left to right: gladys, shermaine (OLD BIMBO), jac, jiin, jocelyn, me, huipeng (BIM)

after lunch we went back to work but we sneakily met at joce's cubicle to camwhore more at 5pm haha (work ends at 530pm) i bet the other colleagues knew cause we were giggling too much!


i love my bim! am gona miss her so much :(

the new temp girl told my bim that im too crazy for her and shes gona hide under the table. wth ;( its gona be along 2more mths for me in the office!

anyways its funny how me and bim cliqued so fast and well! ;D i dont think thats even gona happen for me and the new temp! somemore i think shes not gona go out for lunch much cuz she packs her own food! nvm i still have the other colleagues ;D

they said, out of all the temps who have come and go, me and bim are the noisy-est HAHA

so i think the office is gona be really quiettttttt starting tml!

i shall now show u guys my cubicle! wall. haha

i posted this on my wall on friday and my boss laughed at it when she read it ;P

okay highlight of the highlight ah! my 'collage' of all my frenssss on my wall! this is like one of the very first things i decorated my cubicle wall with okay! the very first one was the blackboard haha ;D i so nice rightt pics of all my frens ;D

and the GIANT lollipop my babe gave me ;D

that day my boss asked me if i was gona eat it haha cuz she tot it was gona melt???

nahhh i dont eat lollipops!!! imma keep it there forever. or maybe i'll use it to dance some korean girlgroup dance haha.

i emo-ed on friday night till like the next morn i decided it wasnt possible for me to emo when im out with my frens cuz i dont norm do that. so i drew a smile on my face.

saturday- nus + ntu open hse

hahas i like this pic! its like my babe diao me like that

after nus open house we went jp to meet mance for lunch before heading for ntu open hse

uhh at jp i suddenly felt super horrible and emotionless. like emo again which was very bad i tink. i almost cried like a couple of times at ajisen. (yes i know ajisen again) i was just twisting my face, trying to suck it up. which i did luhh. i think it was like university stuff and cuz mance and bro kept toking about teaching, and then i rmbed the goals thing from the night before. aiya just everything added tgt came to overwhelm me. it was quite bad.

but nvms i sucked it up like a man.

tada! picture of the 3chiobus in my life ;D so pretttty!

after that we went to ntu. im so not going ntu. its yucky. no offense to anyone who is frm there/ was frm there/ wans to go there. met mop and hmmjia who brought me to get the ZIRCA FREE ENTRY tix hahahah. super auntie lah hmmjia!

oh and btw, bro is enlisting NDU tml!!! so i decided i had to take a pic with him with hairrr.

RING DING DONG RING DING DONG.

i so love the song right nowww! it keeps replaying in my head haha.

i think we looked quite a sight. sighhh! next time i can only camwhore with a botak bro :(

that concludes most stuff. hmmm. still haven cried as of today. is good im making gd progress. drank yesterday cuz i was still emoing abit. i think i did smth stupid on the phone. but i dont rmb what. and the person doesnt wana tell me. ohwells.

ohoh anyways im so sry to those pple who smsed me to ask me about my results but i daoed! hahaha ;p then i forgot to reply you guys. hehe.

today i went for driving then came home to sleep like a pig and finally wokeup at 4-5pm and decided i had to tidy up my room if not i'll really be a pig living in a pig sty. im gona start re-organising my life now. need to be more sensible and stop neglecting things. need to be more organised. i need a plan. no. make that a few plans. but one sole goal. one ultimate goal! quite proud of myself cuz i cleaned up good. (okay i just happened to turn my head and saw one corner that i forgot to clean up -.-) nvms. that will have to wait till maybe next weekend haha. and not to forget i need to throw away my alvl stuff. they are all hiding under my table haha. i was scared to throw them away cuz i was worried i might have to retake.

anyways i think i tend to forgive people easily and then go make peace immed. omg is that a good pt or bad pt? then also i might have split personality.

i think its in my innate system to auto become high when im emo so that i'll forget about my emoness. the more emo i am, the higher i become.

random thing. i looked at my msn category BESTIES today and i have 51 besties apparently. that list hasnt been changed since p6? lol and i dont even tok to half of em now. on the other hand i didnt even add in my current besties. omg. time to revamp!

why am i so down today! omigod. this is so not me.

sometimes i find it damn hard to talk to bryan. its like, he doesnt do it purposely but sometimes he just sounds so condescending and stuckup.

i know he doesnt mean it but its quite ahnnoying. he jus said

bryan sum/netherdrake says:

maybe

but you have like no goals man

rachel-sarah TayHuiSTAR says:

wtf

bryan sum/netherdrake says:

?

rachel-sarah TayHuiSTAR says:

i got goals okay

bryan sum/netherdrake says:

really

srsly.now i cant help it but feel like my life is so screwed up and useless! not like i haven been feeling that way since ever. and the results. ah well. i just was being too optimistic. if all of us were to breakdown. then there will be noone to comfort the rest. i cant breakdown. i wun breakdown. everyone thinks im immature and insensible. maybe i am. maybe im not. what to do to show that im not. idk. why cant i remain immature? why must i grow up. why cant i stay immature forever. i dont wana grow up. i dont want all those responsibilities. its scaring me. its like this period of time where we are all going for uni openhse and dealing with uni apps. its freaking me out. i feel so helpless because it feels like im growing up so fast all of a sudden. i dont want that. i know im being insensible and childish by saying that. i dont care. i need to rely on someone. i always had to depend on someone. but when im going for uni i wun have anyone to rely on. i might wither and die if i have noone to rely on. i admit it im not independent. maybe i nvr will be. no matter how hard i try or how many times i tell/prove to others that i am. but i know myself. im not independent at all. i cant survive alone. i need people there for me. with me. thats why i feel im a super lousy fren. because i feel like im always making use of people. i hate myself for doing that. im such a bitch. i use people and then throw them away after i dont want them anymore/ get sick of them. i hate it but i cant not do it because im dependent on others. why cant i be independent? others can do it why cant i?

shld i become dao and chill?

today my bestie @ work left ;( im so damn sad.

im totally dreading mon.

the worst thing is because apparently the new temp who is supp to replace her is kinda....

weird? and emo.

idk man

and i cant clique with her.

she told my bestie that shes frightened of me cuz im too high for her

wtf

im sorry im too friendly :(

i shall emo about being too high.

on the way back home i was thinking and reflecting about it

and i realised, well actually i dont think alot of pple have seen me when im emo

like true i used to post emo posts on my prev blogs. but ive nvr like, emo to pple in realife.

so i tried to think of people who have seen my emo side.

uhh like fj def. uhhh.

actually i dont know if babe and june have seen the really emo me. i shld think not.

haha.

its like i force myself to always put on a smile or act high even when im not feeling high. cause one thing i know is that smiles are contagious. if you wan the others ard u to be happy, you shld appear to be happy too.

okay forget about that.

so anyway it got me thinking, maybe i should just become a person like bryan or van or fj

like the chill dao kind of person. without too much of emotion fluctuation unnecesssarily.

ohwells. idk man

WHAT SHOULD I DO?

isit wrong that i get high easily? :(

1 day of awesomeness!

is over. and so is my life.

actually its not that bad.

i just did some stupid things in a super unglam way and had the pics uploaded on fb.

not much.

YA RIGHT. omg i shld jus diee.

i jus wokeup at like 4pm? and the worst thing was everytime i semi woke up and closed my eyes again the image will come back to haunt me. fuck. what if i.... noway man.

so yesterday, met babe and had dinner with her at clarkequay. my dress was having some difficulties and i got molested everywhere by my helpful babe. but it was kinda fun cause first time i had wardrobe malfunction and a bestie there to help me out ;D loveyou babe!

later we went to sit by sg river HTHT waiting for my class, ahtan and june.

ahtan came first and finally a weirdly dressed june came showing his cleavage to the whole world. and we headed to ZIRCA first. noone was on the dance floor so we drank and drank and later nick jo and bryan arrived. but we still had to wait for the rest.

okay i dont rmb much after that but i know i only used like 3 of my 5 coupons but i drank from others as well. then we shared money and got 2jugs. then it was dancefloor ftw.

at first the songs were still quite okay and thats why i ended up doing stupid things.

i think it was the songs smokey atmosphere and drinks

but like ard 3am? (haha i know cause i was beside quoc and he kept taking out his hp to check time) the songs were so bad and me and quoc were like OMG SO BORING. i was dancing and shouting out boring till the guys beside stared at me opps. anyway also cause my babe, tan and june already left so i guess i was like not in the mood anymore ohwells.

we left at ard 4am? there was almost a fight outside ZIRCA which nick was so interested in. -.- we had a cute little prize giving ceremony! i'll post the pics when i get em. then the scholars went back to their hotels. shao and nisa went home. left me nick bryan. we were supp to stay till like the first train then train to airport to send phen. so we walked aimlessly ard and finally sat by sg river. by that time i was so dead. my feet sore ttm my eyes closing alr. so we took a damn long time like ard 5am, we decided we were gona go home instead. so we called phen, said our goodbyes and went home. me and bryan by cab and nick left there waiting for the first train.

it was stupid cause i left my keys at my office and i cldnt go home. i reached my doorstep like 530? and i had to stand outside waiting for my parents to wakeup haha. dumb much. finally went to sleep at 6am. and yea wokeup at 4pm.

is cool cause i lost 1kg as i skipped both breakfast and lunch. NICE

srsly! i dont learn do i? right after i posted that blogpost of ignorance being bliss, i had to go dig out even more things.

i was kept in the dark all along.

i nvr knew the difference in how you saw/treated us was so great

results results results

uhhh. last week i went to watch adjustment bureau premiere with fj and hence i brought my camera with me to work! So of course i had to camwhore at work right!

this is me and my stupid temp ;D

being pregnant, i had to consume some vitamins!



after that was movie ;D the movie was lousy, i think i posted about that already. but yea i have to repeat myself that it was LOUSY ;p

3mar

was drinking like nobody's business day!

went to bryan's hse for class party ;D the 5 of us met earlier and proceeded to play RISK haha. so random ikr! night came and finally everyone came. it was like totally a night to RMB! the amount of drinks and puke. HAH.

luckily for me i rejected JIMBEAN and so i didnt puke ;p

only wokeup at 5am the next morn and cldnt go back to slp after that. + major hangover. yea that.

4mar results day! grats to everyone who did so well!

i didnt and haven cried as of today. who knows, i probably wldnt cry at all. which is weird because this is my worst ever MAJOR exam result (meaning psle, olvls alvls) and yet i cried for the previous 2 but not this. maybe im more mature already. ohwells, anyway its not like i did THAT bad.

(but i did dream that i cried like crazy)

5mar SMU OPENHSE.

went with mance, bryan, nick, jo!

and then pooled with them + quoc, phen and toto! ;D

ilovepool!

6mar SMU OPEN HSE AGAIN haha

did a stylo milo hair thingy. my attempt to be more manly.

went with my loves! babe, fj and june.
OMO BROMO. my failed attempt at taking a grp shot on the bus. so just SUCK IT UP.

met hmmjia and mop at smu after that and when to meet mance at career fair @ suntec!

we dudes (me june hmmjia mop) got free icecream ;D

oh also happened to meet alot of pple at the smu open hse!

including AHTAN! we are so going SMU TGT ;D loveyou!

i think that sometimes ignorance is totally bliss man. not knowing about things you shldnt know lest you get hurt. boo. why am i so kaypo. and i thought we are besties! but apparently, to you, then, i wasnt.

anyways! i am so excited for tml! just hopes it turns out well ;D

the little things in life that make you happy or make you pissed.

4 shots and counting.

OMO BROMO

SUCK IT UP!

i thought i shld blog first before i get my results so here i am :)

when i think of 4mar, i dont think of it like oh 4mar, the day im getting my results

instead i think of it like oh 4mar, the day im gona see everyone again.

i think im quite chill regarding today. dont get me wrong, its not because i know im gona do damn well (what a joke) instead i know i screwed up so bad. and its like ive been regretting about it for so long. my stupid econs essay.

but i just dont know why subconsciousness im like so chill about today. on the outside only i think. my subconciousness kicks in and im actually super panicky about today. ive been dreaming about tday for a few nights alr. like last night too.

i got wasted and just conked out once i reached home. alcohol is supposed to give me a whole gd nights sleep but no. i woke up at 5am this morn, had splitting headache and cldnt go back to slp anymore. and the whole night i was just tossing and turning in bed. and not to forget i also dreamt of getting my results again. urgh so much for subconsciousness.

my hearts been beating damn fast the whole of tday i have no idea why.

anyways im leaving my hse soon for lunch with my loves! will come blog back here hours later after i get my results. wish me luck! ;D

i am suddenly very high! ;D

DOUBLE OFF DAYS!

my mood has been horrible since ytd:( im srsly pissed at some people. and on the other hand upset abt something else.

i mean i should already know what was waiting for me when i decided to organise smth. the same old same old unenthu bunch of pple who doesnt wana reply you. its like as if they dont care. but i still stupidly went ahead to organise the thing.

i guess whenever i wana organise smth its cause i really miss and wana see the grp of pple. but i guess they dont wana see me hence they cant be bothered. i know im gona miss the scholars like crazyyy thats why im organising these things and im super happy because they all replied and are attending :) i like took day off tml to go out cause i miss everyone so much. but i guess the feelings arent mutual. noone even rmbs me. so why the hell am i doing so much even though im so insignificant to them. if not for the scholars i wld had jus cancelled tml. even if u guys go ahead with plan im not gona care since i guess noone wans to see me.

i dont wan tml to be a horrible day where i just glare at some people. it is and still is supposed to be a crazy day that im gona be so high i'll hangover for 1wk LOL. okay im being retarded. but yea u get the idea. but now its like i dont even feel like going anymore. boooo. gona be such a long night tml. and then comes friday..

just reached home frm adjustment bureau premiere.

bad movie

bad night