cross road

i kept feeling cold. the sun is up and everything but im still feeling very cold. something is up. i might be falling sick. but its not possible! I, the ultimate immune girl cant be falling sick. i dun fall sick.

so anyway i woke up at 545 today (courtesy of my mum) to drive into msia to have breakfast with them. after breakfast we went to a local WET market because my mum insisted i have to go experience how the markets are like. It was so disgusting. It smelt like something died in there and the floor was like WET. urgh. The whole time there i was just thinking i wana go home i wana go home, i better not touch something, something better not touch me

it was the most EWW ever. and then i saw a big FAT RAT. it was like huge okay? anyways i kept entertaining my parents with my failed hokkien haha. i said something like 'wet markets are rats' cemetery' or something LOL.

i just realised most of the time i end my paragraphs and start new ones abruptly, like they can have no connections at all ;p

after yesterday, i came to acknowledge all the difficulties i was having in life at this point in time. and i didny know there were so many of them. Like how about im like floating around with no aims in life, not knowing what im gona do with myself. What kind of person i wana be and what kind of person i really am. And just how scared i am of loneliness. I think i will really wilt and die if i have no friends. My two best friends have each other, my babe has her books and im like alone. sigh. how i cant even talk properly to the guy i like but i can blab like a retard to other guys im not interested in. (yesterday's car ride home proved that AGAIN) how i cant give up and how maybe im destined to be brothers with all the guys in the world and i'll never get romance. only bromance... and all sorts of other things.

okay i should just stop wallowing in self pity. and go for baked rice now, bye.